Basil Hagen: Candle Maker? is the twelfth chapter of Stranger in a Strange School.


Couple of days later, Basil showed up at school with a crutch. He was sitting at a table outside of the gym selling… candles? When Lee saw this he couldn't believe his eyes.

"Lee!" Basil waved at Lee an unusually cheery look was on his face. Lee raised an eyebrow because he had never seen Basil this happy. "So sorry that I missed your birthday, have a free candle!" Basil threw a red candle at Lee who caught it. Looking at the candle, Lee saw that it was only thick string wrapped in wax. Cam and Holger looked at the candle and then looked Basil. He made this? "It's not that hard! Anyone can make them. Oh, and no free candles for you two, you'll have to pay twice of what everyone else pays: ten bucks."

"What? Twenty bucks for a candle?" Cam starred at Basil. He had to be joking. "Are you loco, dude?"

"No, not twenty bucks." Basil placed his arms around some nearby candles as some jocks walked by. "Everyone else has to pay five bucks, you two and Chaz have to pay ten simply because I don't like you."

"But Basil no like no one." Holger walked over to the table, pointing at a blue candle. He handed Basil ten dollars and Basil handed him the candle.

"Oh, that's not true." Basil stood up with some difficulty as some girls walked his way. He then proceeded to hobble towards them on his crutch, staying off his right leg. "Hello, ladies, would any of you like to buy some candles? Pretty candles for pretty ladies!" Basil blinked. "Wait, none of you are my ex-girlfriend whose name and appearance I can't remember are you?" The girls shook their heads. "Oh, thank goodness." Basil swallowed and then heard the same thing that Lee heard: footsteps in heels! Hobbling over to protect his merchandise, Basil saw Brandy approach.

"Lee Pi-" Brandy was cut short when she saw Basil on the crutch. "What happened to you, Basil?" She ran over to him, concern in her voice. Basil believed the concern was because he was her partner in drama class but he wouldn't mind her treating him with some respect.

"I got into a fight with three guys." Basil looked over at Cam and Holger, both of them knew who the third guy was and that Basil had not gotten into any fight. "It was long but I ultimately emerged the victor with only a leg injury." Brandy looked at Basil with a far off look in her eyes. She seemed to buy it.

"Basil, I had no idea you were so-"

"Yes, I'm incredible, aren't I?" At that moment Tina arrived. Watching with the same look of disbelief that was in the eyes of Lee, Cam and Holger. Was this for real?

"What is… How... " Tina tried to say something but she didn't want to ruin Basil's moment of playing the part of the trickster. She knew all to well why Basil on a crutch the same way that Lee, Cam and Holger did. She might not have liked Brandy but Tina couldn't believe that even she could fall for what Basil was saying.

"And then I threw the last of them into a dumpster." Basil had described his fictional attackers as being Barrage's height. Basil just loved this. Brandy was eating up the lie he had told.

"So when did you make the candles?" Tina raised her voice a bit to get Basil's attention. Lee was wondering the same thing.

"I made these during my sick day." Basil stepped aside to show Brandy his work. She looked at the candles and then looked at Basil.

"What? No pink candles?" The proud look on Basil's face turned to one that implied he was insulted.

"Pink?" Basil's right eye ticked as he said the word. "Pink is a stupid color! A color without dignity! Red, blue, yellow, green, orange, purple, black and white are colors with dignity, real colors! I have no intention to sell any candles to you, Glamazon! Good day!" There was clapping from all around as people who had stopped to watch, initially to laugh at the short argument ended up applauding Basil's refusing to sell to one of the Glamazons. Basil hobbled behind his table and sat down. "Okay, who wants a candle?" People began to line up, paying for the candles. Sure, they'd probably never use them but they did make good house decorations. As Basil made his money he heard a loud footstep, so did Lee and all the other students. It was Barrage!

"Well, what have we here?" Basil looked up with wide eyes at Barrage. Lee and Tina slowly started to back away but bumped into the cleaners. "Mr. Hagen selling candles? It just ain't right."

"Sir, 'ain't' isn't a word." Basil let out a choked scream as Barrage placed a hand around Basil's throat: the robotic one, and lifted him into the air.

"Don't you give ME lip!" Barrage yelled at Basil, with the student showing visible fear. "Why haven't you been reporting to me on the actions of Lee Ping and Ms. Kwee?"

"Well then here is my letter of resignation." Basil pulled a sheet of lined paper out of his pocket and threw it into Barrage's face. In response to this Barrage dropped Basil back into his chair and looked at the sheet of paper that had two words written on it: I quit. "I'm not going to be your-"

"Do you want to be expelled?"

"Nothing to report, sir." Basil looked down at the table as Barrage smiled.

"Good, now as you were." As Barrage walked away, the cleaners following him, Basil waved a fist in his direction. Basil then looked over at Lee and Tina, both of them having unimpressed looks on their faces.